Neuriva should fire their marketing department

People fucking love supplements. They looooooorve them. If there’s no medical evidence of efficacy, hasn’t been regulated by a government entity, comes with outrageous claims and costs a fuck ton, people be like, I want that…

And things are no different here at the Cartagena, Colombia offices of FYMD, we can’t get enough of supplements. Jason, our “intern”, his #1 job is to make sure there are always bags of supplements around. Needless to say Jason facilitates most (all) of the work happening in the FYMD network. Supplements.

Anywho…our friends at Reckitt, owners of such brands as, Mucinex (future investigation at FYMD pending) have hired actress/gameshow hostess/actual neuroscientist Mayim Bialik to lend some credentialing (and sassiness) to Neuriva, a “brain supplement backed by real science” that it’s selling to you and me, mostly you.

We love funky hires and think Mayim was truly excellent in Beaches as a young Bette Middler, and we also appreciate people with big brains mostly because we weren’t blessed with one and have to rely on Jason the intern to earn those big time consulting fees.

The Supplement Business:

Our BFFs at Grand View Research claim that the global dietary supplements market is valued at over $150 billion in 2021 and will achieve a 9% CAGR through 2030 - We had to confirm this with our cousin who knows math, but the FYMD leadership team is like 95% sure that this means there is a whole lotta ‘man-boosting’ going on.

Drilling down a bit the GVR crew says that Brain Supplement subset is valued at over $7Bn in 2021 - this means a lot of people either want to improve their brain or feel their brain needs improving. The technical term for these people is “low hanging fruit.” 

The marketing term for these brain supplements is Nootropics. This is actually true. Either way, people love supplements.

Table Stakes:

Science is fickle mistress. OK, that’s entirely a lie, let’s reframe that: Using science in marketing is a fickle mistress. And the supplement industry as a whole is filled with marketers who feel they can tame the shrew- looking at you planners! 

Anywho, “science” is the crutch that keeps the whole industry upright. So finding the right science and the right “scientist” to tout your boner pills is key. In the case of boner pills it’s usually athletes since most scientists don’t get laid. Ironic. 

FYMD’s legal counsel felt it was important for everyone to know that the US government in the DSHEA act of 1994 defined much of what is a supplement and what can go into them. This can be found here (https://www.fda.gov/food/information-consumers-using-dietary-supplements/questions-and-answers-dietary-supplements). Normally we never provide links as we don’t like being proved wrong but the FYMD SEO team sent around a memo on backlinks, apparently that’s a thing. 

Competitive Insight:

With such a big pot-o-cash that seemingly is just there for the taking, the proverbial sharks are circling. To say the FYMD team has opened a can of worms with the Brain Supplement category is a like saying something witty, but we forgot to take our pill today.

We also tried rallying the FYMD graphics team to put together a clever chart where you can pick and choose prefixes and suffixes to create your own Nootropic brand name but they were busy with Jason doing supplements.

So here are some of our favorites: Cram, Noopept, Thriiv and what is potentially the high water mark in branding, Cannibal Genius. Lastly if none of those names aren’t getting your credit card finger itchy, you can always buy Smart Pills which given the target audience might be the baller branding move.

Creative Appreciation:

Ok…that’s a lot of information, some of it even useful…”Can you get to the snarky recap of the creative already?”…Is what the FYMD analytics team is constantly saying - apparently “FYMD Creative Appreciation” is an actual search term so that our half dozen subscription members don’t have to read the crap above - take that FYMD research team!

So let’s address this copywriting masterclass:

This is Mayim and she loves brains 

This is why she became a neuroscientist

Mayim also has a brain

Mayim loves Neuriva+ for both those reasons

The FYMD rules and ethics committee feels this is an appropriate place to pause as we are making an official ruling: Having a brain is not an acceptable reason. Ever. For anything. Any copywriter who tries to use this reason clearly needs more supplements.

And you, producer type…are we supposed to believe that the lobby of some glass encased tech bro shine is a lab? And why are all the liquids in the beakers clearly FreshBurst and CoolMint Listerine - and why leave out original flavor?

Even so, with many many issues, that Mayim is sassy. And Smart. And that blazer combo is kickin’…Figuratively speaking. 

However, this agency exercise in irony has the unintended effect of saying, “I’m not an actor but I play one on TV.”

Think Bigger, indeed.

What The FYMD Staff Has To Say:

It not all sun and fun here at the Cartagena FYMD offices, we’re busy pouring through data, sifting through research and lining up the supplements to create the breakthrough, insight driven work that keeps clients paying our outrageous consulting fees.

And late the other night the team literally bumped into a breakthrough moment where we sniffed out 1 key that the Reckitt bigwigs might want to consider when it comes to sellin’ brain pills: Credentialing and Credibility are difficult concepts to convey when the product has no credentials or credibility.

Maybe you should have hired a Neuroscientist who’s also an actor instead of the other way around because if your customers actually did "Think Bigger” they might speak with their doctor about the efficacy of Nootropics and not buy your product. 

Fucking irony…the FYMD leadership team has launched a blue ribbon panel on avoiding irony, but apparently only account planners were invited to participate. See what we did there.

In sum, the Harvard Medical School says, “it’s easier to take a pill than make lasting lifestyle changes”

And who ever said FYMD didn’t provide valuable consumer advice.